


Does Your Mother Know

by PBJellie



Category: South Park
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, F/M, Horny Teenagers, Humor, MILFs, One-Sided Relationship, Pining, South Park Drabble Bomb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 22:05:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13773516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PBJellie/pseuds/PBJellie
Summary: Kenny has an interest in Liane Cartman. He's also pretty sure that the feeling is mutual.Grown women just play hard to get sometimes, he knows these things.Written for the South Park Drabble Bomb. Day 2: Pining





	Does Your Mother Know

**Author's Note:**

> Rating it M to cover my ass. Nothing explicit happens, but you never know with the fandom. 
> 
> Written for the South Park Drabble Bomb. Day 2: Pining

“Sorry snookums, it's a hard pass from me,” Ms. Cartman, no Liane, Kenny was a mature adult and had earned the the right to call her Liane. Or that's what he told himself after he took the PSAT. He'd flunked it, but it still counted.

“Give it some thought. I've got skills, Liane,” he hummed, rolling his hips as she adjusted her make-up in the mirror, unfazed. How was she not tempted? He was the hottest boy, man, he meant to think man, he was the hottest man in the county high school. Surely, she knew this.

“As does my vibrator, and it's not a felony,” she chuckled, sliding around him to leave the bathroom. Kenny blushed as she ducked under his arm, the top of her head grazing his arm, which was a sure sign that she liked him. She was just playing hard to get.

“Maybe next time,” Kenny called out as she bounced down the stairs. He couldn't see her boobs, but he knew from experience that they were indeed bouncing. It was the reason he insisted the gang meet at Cartman’s. In reality Stan's mom had just as nice snacks, and Kenny supposed her breasts were acceptable, but she wasn't like Liane. Liane Cartman, a woman in charge of her own sexuality.

He was getting hard just thinking about it.

“Eh! You poor piece of shit, I need to take a dump!” Cartman screeched, causing Kenny to tumble to the ground. Cartman shut the door, scooting Kenny out into the hallway with his socked foot. Gross, why the hell did he aim for the mouth?

How could someone so lovely and hot be related to someone so disgusting and terrible?

On the plus side, his boner was long gone. Eric Cartman, not only murderer of people, but also of erections.

Kenny raced down the stairs, catching Liane stirring something chocolaty in a old mixing bowl. Maybe he if bought her a gift she'd be more receptive, Bebe loved gifts. Give Bebe a gift and she'd let him do anything, including butt stuff.

“Need any help, Liane?” Kenny asked, dusting off his pants as he leaned against the door frame. He popped one hip out, keeping his chest open, to show that he was open and available. He'd read that bit in Cosmo. He was a renaissance man after all.

“No thank you, darling,” she crooned, stirring wistfully. Kenny figured she was thinking about him and his hot bod, but how could she be faulted? He'd think about himself a lot too, he was a fine piece of ass. It was common knowledge. Not everyone had a great package, then researched the best methods of using it.

“Are you sure? I can help with more than just cooking, if you know what I mean.”

“Even if you were an adult, which you're not,” she accented this by beating the spoon against the bowl with a thwack, “I'm not interested. I bet a lot of your little friends at school would love to be with you. Wear a condom and have at it.”

“They're girls Liane,” and sometimes boys, but he didn't feel the need to disclose that, “not women.”

“They'll be women one day,” she giggled, “and you're awfully handsome, you shouldn't have any trouble.”

“Mam!” A piercing voice shouted as someone heavy barreled towards them. The floor creaked as he lumbered into the room. Kenny was amazed he didn't break any tiles.

“Yes poopsykins?” Liane sang sweetly. Kenny wondered if that's the sound she'd make in the sack, but thought better of it when Cartman licked the spoon while it was still in her hand.

“When are the snacks going to be ready? I can't work on my science project without nourishment. Do you want me to fail? Are you trying to sabotage my life?”

“No, mommy would never do that to her snookums,” Kenny felt bile rise up his throat as she used that word to describe Cartman. Snookums was him, or it had been, just a few minutes ago.

“That's right, a bitch needs to know her place,” Cartman muttered, elbowing Kenny in the side.

“Dude, don't call her a bitch,” Kenny harshly whispered.

“You boys run off and play, I'll bring the treats when they're ready.”

“Not boys, Mam!” Kenny felt inclined to agree. He was a man, not a boy. She was just teasing him, this was a game to her. She didn't know how good Kenny was at games, but oh, would she learn.

“Okay, okay, young men. Very young,” she added, staring Kenny dead in the face. “Very young men unaware of the grown up things they are trying to get into.”

“Gawd Mom,” Eric complained as Kenny felt himself deflate. “I just wanted to go see the execution. They'll be protesters there, and everything.”

“Eric, sweetie, it's in Utah. Mommy doesn't want to make that drive, you'll just have to watch the protesters on Youtube, or whatever it is that you kids,” she looked at Kenny again, “do.”

“You're ruining my life! Bring my snacks when they're done!” Kenny reluctantly followed Cartman into the basement, glancing back at Liane for a second. She waved at him, wiggling her fingers individually.

That meant she was totally into him.


End file.
